For a day that’s supposed to be all about giving and receiving love, February 14th sure leaves a lot of single people feeling alone and a lot of people in relationships feeling disappointed. Check out the faces of people the day after the 14th. Some frowns may have faded, but many a mated person will still be suffering from an expectation hangover — disappointed by yet another Valentine’s Day that didn’t measure up to their hopeful, and unrealistic, ideals.
To save them from misery again this year, Christine Arylo
, author of Madly in Love with ME
, is inviting people from all over the globe to take their Love Power back by celebrating the International Day of Self-Love with her on Wednesday, February 13th. She will be hosting a FREE night of song, transformation, self-love wisdom, poetry slam, and more that will be webcast live from Oakland, California, into your living room.
“The International Day of Self-Love serves to strengthen a person’s feeling of being loved, so that by February 14th they don’t need anyone else to give them love,” says Arylo. “Any love that shows up is extra. And they are so full of love that on February 14th they are able to give love to all the people they love, not just their romantic partner. When they’re filled up with love, and steeped in their Love Power, the loneliness and let-down just don’t show up.”
We also hope you will enjoy this guest post written by Christine!
Be Nice to Yourself
It’s Hard to Be Happy When You’re Mean to Yourself All the Time
Every day tens of thousands of thoughts run through your mind. The vast majority of them are negative. And too often, that negativity is directed at the one person who deserves it least — you. It’s okay to admit that you are harder on yourself than anyone else could be. You beat yourself up for all the things you think you should do better, should be able to get done in a day, should be able to figure out. You blame yourself and judge yourself way more than you acknowledge and appreciate yourself.
How do I know this? Because I have talked with thousands of people around the world from the ages of six to eighty-six, from all backgrounds, races, and social statuses, and the one thing they all admitted to — when asked and when honest — was how incredibly critical they were of themselves. And how little compassion and forgiveness they were able to give to themselves. And honestly, because I, a woman bred to have high self-esteem, be a great achiever, and climb mountains and career ladders in a single bound, never even considered self-compassion as valuable as self-esteem, until I realized what not having it was costing me — my happiness.
We are in the midst of a self-criticism epidemic and a self-compassion drought.
“Be nice to others.” We’ve been taught that since first grade. Are we compassionate toward people who are sick, less fortunate, or going through difficult life problems? Of course. But do we direct the loving energy of compassion and forgiveness toward ourselves, every day? Forget about it!
Here’s the truth about your happiness: It’s directly correlated to your levels of self-compassion. High self-compassion equals more happiness; lack self-compassion and watch your happiness drop. You, more than anyone else, are counting on you to be there with open arms, offering compassion and forgiveness without condition. You are counting on yourself to love yourself. And loving yourself doesn’t just mean believing you can do and be anything; it requires you to be kind, gentle, and compassionate with yourself always, even when you fail, fall behind, or don’t measure up to the unrealistic standards you and society have set for yourself.
How do you do this? That’s the question I asked myself too, as I seemed to have missed the class on self-compassion in all my years of academic study. It wasn’t until I began my spiritual study that the answers came. I’ve learned a lot about self-compassion in the past decade, including the following three Daring Acts of Love that I use like “love weights” to strengthen my relationship with myself and my self-compassion on a regular basis. Next time you start getting down on yourself, stop, drop, and build your self-love by trying out one or all of them!
1. Transform Comparison into Inspiration. Comparison is the number one toxic habit of your Inner Mean Girl or Dude (a.k.a. your inner critic). When that voice starts comparing you to another person — either by making you better (superiority complex) or deficient (inferiority complex) — stop and ask yourself, “What is inspiring to me about this person? What are they doing/being/having that I’d like to do/be/have in my life too?” Then, and here’s the daring part, you have to reach out to that person — either right there on the spot live or via email, phone, or even Facebook or Twitter — and tell them what you appreciate about them! Then, and here’s the self-loving part, instead of copying them exactly, take the thing you admire and add your own essence to it. There is only one you, and the world is counting on your unique expression.
2. Be Your Own Best Friend. A true best friend would never kick you when you were down, call you a loser, or point out all the ways in which you were falling short. Good best friends do at least two things really well: one, they appreciate and acknowledge you for how fantastic you are (they love on you) and two, they give you permission to give yourself a break when you can’t give one to yourself. The next time you’re being mean to yourself, your job, as your own best friend, is to transform the harsh words and energy into loving words with the following Love Mantra:
“You are doing the best that you can, and it is enough.”
Here’s the daring part: you have to close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, and say this mantra over and over again until you feel a shift inside — that will be your compassion turning on. And then ask yourself, “What do I need to do to love myself well right now?” And then you must do that thing for yourself — just like a best friend would.
3. Dial a Love Life Line. Sometimes when you’re really feeling like crap about yourself and you just can’t find the compassion no matter how hard you try, you have to call in special outside forces. This is the time for “dialing into love” and getting some large quantities of it flowing to you, pronto. Call a person whom you trust and who is good at giving love, and follow these three steps: One, out yourself and your inner critic. Say, “My Inner Mean Girl [or Dude] is going crazy and telling me XXX.” Just let it rant. Two, ask your friend to tell you three great things about you. Three, listen and receive those great things from them, say thank you, write down what they’ve said, and carry these love lines around with you for the rest of the day.
Remember, when you fail, falter, or feel less than perfect, turn your attention to unconditional love to lift yourself up. It’s time to give yourself one of the most essential kinds of love — self-compassion.
Christine Arylo is the bestselling author of Madly in Love with ME and Choosing ME before WE. She is an internationally recognized speaker and transformational teacher and the founder of the International Day of Self-Love (February 13th).