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New World Library Unshelved

New World Library Unshelved

Positive news and inspiring views from the New World Library community

Thursday, April 06, 2017
It takes a lot of courage to start over — courage to not only get to know new people but to get to know yourself in a brand-new way. It sounds tough, but it’s not impossible, as long as you don’t overthink it. When you are forced to start over in love and life, be it due to a breakup, a divorce, or even the death of a partner, you are forced to change your perspective. As author Tatiana Jerome says in her book, Love Lost, Love Found: A Woman’s Guide to Letting Go of the Past and Finding New Love, “Even though your relationship has ended, you are not really losing anything. In fact, you are regaining your sense of self. You get to take a new approach to enjoying the world. You have the opportunity to love in a different way. You can bring forward a new you, an upgraded you.” We hope you’ll enjoy this excerpt from the book. 

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Starting over requires you to have an open mind about what comes next. It’s easy to be strict in your thinking about what you want and just stick to that. When I say you should have an open mind, I mean you should still have standards but just be open to the package that your standards may come in. 

For example, thinking that you have one “type” and one type only prevents you from meeting other kinds of individuals and exploring new facets of this vast world God has put you in. Also, if everyone knows you have a type, how will that work for you when they introduce you to all the tall blond musicians but neglect to introduce you to the short brown-haired stockbroker — who would be perfect for you? Again, it’s okay to have standards and preferences, but you need to be open-minded enough for those standards to appear to you in the most divine way possible. Your type may have worked for you five years ago, but that does not mean it will work for you today. Actually, let’s hope it doesn’t, since you have probably evolved since that time.

Maybe right now you are wondering why we’re talking about being open-minded when you’re just trying to get yourself together. Being open-minded allows you to continue to be a student of life rather than saying you no longer want to be part of this aspect of life that God calls love. Being open-minded does not mean having your guard down. It means trying new things with discernment. It means exploring life and other elements of this world that you have yet to discover. When you are open to life’s pleasures, you discover new parts of yourself and heighten your awareness of the beauty within and the beauty of everything that’s around you. In turn, this radiant quality will attract the right people and situations to you.

Overthinking Ruins Things
Now that you are starting fresh, you might find yourself overthinking the many things that can simply just be. Overthinking can stem from fears and burdens that you have yet to let go of. Instead of letting go, we carry them with us and dwell on possibilities that may never happen. You can dwell on them so much that you miss out on the present moment and prevent what God has put his hand on. Because of all the thoughts running through your head, life is no longer an organic experience for you but a calculated process.

Overthinking can cause anxiety and even depression; you are choosing to think your way through a situation instead of letting God take care of it. This unwanted disease of overthinking can cause you to be your own worst enemy rather than your own best friend. Learn to take the moment as it is. Learn to love yourself as you are. Learn that what is to be for you will always be for you, regardless of what happens, so do not chase it away with your overthinking.

Overthinking is a form of self-sabotage. Your mind is trying to have control over the situation. You are not in a place of peace but a place of anticipation for either better or worse to come. The truth is, you block whatever blessing could be happening right in front of you when you imagine the moment to be happening differently, as if what is happening right now is not perfect enough. Simply cease overthinking by allowing yourself to accept that what you see is what it is. What you feel is what it is. What is happening is what it is. You move forward by going forward. Do not let your fears and past disappointments put you in a state of overthinking what is happening now. You are starting over, so it’s time to let go of whatever holds you back from accepting more and better for yourself.

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Tatiana Jerome, author of Love Lost, Love Found, is an entrepreneur and lifestyle consultant who is using her own experiences of empowerment and personal expansion to help other women gain more confidence, get love, and master money with a primary focus on self-realization. She lives in Florida. Visit her online at

Excerpted from Love Lost, Love Found. Copyright © 2017 by Tatiana Jerome.






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